diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/abstract_command.rb b/Library/Homebrew/abstract_command.rb
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..0831c05702
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/abstract_command.rb
@@ -0,0 +1,51 @@
+# typed: strong
+# frozen_string_literal: true
+
+module Homebrew
+  # Subclass this to implement a `brew` command. This is preferred to declaring a named function in the `Homebrew`
+  # module, because:
+  # - Each Command lives in an isolated namespace.
+  # - Each Command implements a defined interface.
+  # - `args` is available as an ivar, and thus does not need to be passed as an argument to helper methods.
+  #
+  # To subclass, implement a `run` method and provide a `cmd_args` block to document the command and its allowed args.
+  # To generate method signatures for command args, run `brew typecheck --update`.
+  class AbstractCommand
+    extend T::Helpers
+
+    abstract!
+
+    class << self
+      sig { returns(T.nilable(CLI::Parser)) }
+      attr_reader :parser
+
+      sig { returns(String) }
+      def command_name = T.must(name).split("::").fetch(-1).downcase
+
+      # @return the AbstractCommand subclass associated with the brew CLI command name.
+      sig { params(name: String).returns(T.nilable(T.class_of(AbstractCommand))) }
+      def command(name) = subclasses.find { _1.command_name == name }
+
+      private
+
+      sig { params(block: T.proc.bind(CLI::Parser).void).void }
+      def cmd_args(&block)
+        @parser = T.let(CLI::Parser.new(&block), T.nilable(CLI::Parser))
+      end
+    end
+
+    sig { returns(CLI::Args) }
+    attr_reader :args
+
+    sig { params(argv: T::Array[String]).void }
+    def initialize(argv = ARGV.freeze)
+      parser = self.class.parser
+      raise "Commands must include a `cmd_args` block" if parser.nil?
+
+      @args = T.let(parser.parse(argv), CLI::Args)
+    end
+
+    sig { abstract.void }
+    def run; end
+  end
+end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/brew.rb b/Library/Homebrew/brew.rb
index c50bf61ab5..2e785889bc 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/brew.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/brew.rb
@@ -59,6 +59,7 @@ begin
 
   ENV["PATH"] = path.to_s
 
+  require "abstract_command"
   require "commands"
   require "settings"
 
@@ -83,7 +84,12 @@ begin
   end
 
   if internal_cmd || Commands.external_ruby_v2_cmd_path(cmd)
-    Homebrew.send Commands.method_name(cmd)
+    cmd_class = Homebrew::AbstractCommand.command(T.must(cmd))
+    if cmd_class
+      cmd_class.new.run
+    else
+      Homebrew.public_send Commands.method_name(cmd)
+    end
   elsif (path = Commands.external_ruby_cmd_path(cmd))
     require?(path)
     exit Homebrew.failed? ? 1 : 0
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/cli/args.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/cli/args.rbi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..7c161fd39b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/cli/args.rbi
@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+# typed: strict
+
+# This file contains global args as defined in `Homebrew::CLI::Parser.global_options`
+# `Command`-specific args are defined in the commands themselves, with type signatures
+# generated by the `Tapioca::Compilers::Args` compiler.
+
+class Homebrew::CLI::Args
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def debug?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def help?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def quiet?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def verbose?; end
+end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/cli/parser.rb b/Library/Homebrew/cli/parser.rb
index b9dcb1a84f..30d0938843 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/cli/parser.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/cli/parser.rb
@@ -248,12 +248,14 @@ module Homebrew
         @conflicts << options.map { |option| option_to_name(option) }
       end
 
-      def option_to_name(option)
+      def self.option_to_name(option)
         option.sub(/\A--?(\[no-\])?/, "")
               .tr("-", "_")
               .delete("=")
       end
 
+      def option_to_name(option) = self.class.option_to_name(option)
+
       def name_to_option(name)
         if name.length == 1
           "-#{name}"
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/cmd/list.rb b/Library/Homebrew/cmd/list.rb
index 1b69e2596e..619bc49feb 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/cmd/list.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/cmd/list.rb
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
 # typed: true
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
+require "abstract_command"
 require "metafiles"
 require "formula"
 require "cli/parser"
@@ -8,226 +9,234 @@ require "cask/list"
 require "system_command"
 
 module Homebrew
-  extend SystemCommand::Mixin
+  module Cmd
+    class List < AbstractCommand
+      include SystemCommand::Mixin
 
-  sig { returns(CLI::Parser) }
-  def self.list_args
-    Homebrew::CLI::Parser.new do
-      description <<~EOS
-        List all installed formulae and casks.
-        If <formula> is provided, summarise the paths within its current keg.
-        If <cask> is provided, list its artifacts.
-      EOS
-      switch "--formula", "--formulae",
-             description: "List only formulae, or treat all named arguments as formulae."
-      switch "--cask", "--casks",
-             description: "List only casks, or treat all named arguments as casks."
-      switch "--full-name",
-             description: "Print formulae with fully-qualified names. Unless `--full-name`, `--versions` " \
-                          "or `--pinned` are passed, other options (i.e. `-1`, `-l`, `-r` and `-t`) are " \
-                          "passed to `ls`(1) which produces the actual output."
-      switch "--versions",
-             description: "Show the version number for installed formulae, or only the specified " \
-                          "formulae if <formula> are provided."
-      switch "--multiple",
-             depends_on:  "--versions",
-             description: "Only show formulae with multiple versions installed."
-      switch "--pinned",
-             description: "List only pinned formulae, or only the specified (pinned) " \
-                          "formulae if <formula> are provided. See also `pin`, `unpin`."
-      # passed through to ls
-      switch "-1",
-             description: "Force output to be one entry per line. " \
-                          "This is the default when output is not to a terminal."
-      switch "-l",
-             description: "List formulae and/or casks in long format. " \
-                          "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
-      switch "-r",
-             description: "Reverse the order of the formulae and/or casks sort to list the oldest entries first. " \
-                          "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
-      switch "-t",
-             description: "Sort formulae and/or casks by time modified, listing most recently modified first. " \
-                          "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
+      cmd_args do
+        description <<~EOS
+          List all installed formulae and casks.
+          If <formula> is provided, summarise the paths within its current keg.
+          If <cask> is provided, list its artifacts.
+        EOS
+        switch "--formula", "--formulae",
+               description: "List only formulae, or treat all named arguments as formulae."
+        switch "--cask", "--casks",
+               description: "List only casks, or treat all named arguments as casks."
+        switch "--full-name",
+               description: "Print formulae with fully-qualified names. Unless `--full-name`, `--versions` " \
+                            "or `--pinned` are passed, other options (i.e. `-1`, `-l`, `-r` and `-t`) are " \
+                            "passed to `ls`(1) which produces the actual output."
+        switch "--versions",
+               description: "Show the version number for installed formulae, or only the specified " \
+                            "formulae if <formula> are provided."
+        switch "--multiple",
+               depends_on:  "--versions",
+               description: "Only show formulae with multiple versions installed."
+        switch "--pinned",
+               description: "List only pinned formulae, or only the specified (pinned) " \
+                            "formulae if <formula> are provided. See also `pin`, `unpin`."
+        # passed through to ls
+        switch "-1",
+               description: "Force output to be one entry per line. " \
+                            "This is the default when output is not to a terminal."
+        switch "-l",
+               description: "List formulae and/or casks in long format. " \
+                            "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
+        switch "-r",
+               description: "Reverse the order of the formulae and/or casks sort to list the oldest entries first. " \
+                            "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
+        switch "-t",
+               description: "Sort formulae and/or casks by time modified, listing most recently modified first. " \
+                            "Has no effect when a formula or cask name is passed as an argument."
 
-      conflicts "--formula", "--cask"
-      conflicts "--pinned", "--cask"
-      conflicts "--multiple", "--cask"
-      conflicts "--pinned", "--multiple"
-      ["-1", "-l", "-r", "-t"].each do |flag|
-        conflicts "--versions", flag
-        conflicts "--pinned", flag
-      end
-      ["--versions", "--pinned", "-l", "-r", "-t"].each do |flag|
-        conflicts "--full-name", flag
+        conflicts "--formula", "--cask"
+        conflicts "--pinned", "--cask"
+        conflicts "--multiple", "--cask"
+        conflicts "--pinned", "--multiple"
+        ["-1", "-l", "-r", "-t"].each do |flag|
+          conflicts "--versions", flag
+          conflicts "--pinned", flag
+        end
+        ["--versions", "--pinned", "-l", "-r", "-t"].each do |flag|
+          conflicts "--full-name", flag
+        end
+
+        named_args [:installed_formula, :installed_cask]
       end
 
-      named_args [:installed_formula, :installed_cask]
-    end
-  end
+      sig { override.void }
+      def run
+        if args.full_name?
+          unless args.cask?
+            formula_names = args.no_named? ? Formula.installed : args.named.to_resolved_formulae
+            full_formula_names = formula_names.map(&:full_name).sort(&tap_and_name_comparison)
+            full_formula_names = Formatter.columns(full_formula_names) unless args.public_send(:"1?")
+            puts full_formula_names if full_formula_names.present?
+          end
+          if args.cask? || (!args.formula? && args.no_named?)
+            cask_names = if args.no_named?
+              Cask::Caskroom.casks
+            else
+              args.named.to_formulae_and_casks(only: :cask, method: :resolve)
+            end
+            # The cast is because `Keg`` does not define `full_name`
+            full_cask_names = T.cast(cask_names, T::Array[T.any(Formula, Cask::Cask)])
+                               .map(&:full_name).sort(&tap_and_name_comparison)
+            full_cask_names = Formatter.columns(full_cask_names) unless args.public_send(:"1?")
+            puts full_cask_names if full_cask_names.present?
+          end
+        elsif args.pinned?
+          filtered_list
+        elsif args.versions?
+          filtered_list unless args.cask?
+          list_casks if args.cask? || (!args.formula? && !args.multiple? && args.no_named?)
+        elsif args.no_named?
+          ENV["CLICOLOR"] = nil
 
-  def self.list
-    args = list_args.parse
+          ls_args = []
+          ls_args << "-1" if args.public_send(:"1?")
+          ls_args << "-l" if args.l?
+          ls_args << "-r" if args.r?
+          ls_args << "-t" if args.t?
 
-    if args.full_name?
-      unless args.cask?
-        formula_names = args.no_named? ? Formula.installed : args.named.to_resolved_formulae
-        full_formula_names = formula_names.map(&:full_name).sort(&tap_and_name_comparison)
-        full_formula_names = Formatter.columns(full_formula_names) unless args.public_send(:"1?")
-        puts full_formula_names if full_formula_names.present?
+          if !args.cask? && HOMEBREW_CELLAR.exist? && HOMEBREW_CELLAR.children.any?
+            ohai "Formulae" if $stdout.tty? && !args.formula?
+            safe_system "ls", *ls_args, HOMEBREW_CELLAR
+            puts if $stdout.tty? && !args.formula?
+          end
+          if !args.formula? && Cask::Caskroom.any_casks_installed?
+            ohai "Casks" if $stdout.tty? && !args.cask?
+            safe_system "ls", *ls_args, Cask::Caskroom.path
+          end
+        else
+          kegs, casks = args.named.to_kegs_to_casks
+
+          if args.verbose? || !$stdout.tty?
+            find_args = %w[-not -type d -not -name .DS_Store -print]
+            system_command! "find", args: kegs.map(&:to_s) + find_args, print_stdout: true if kegs.present?
+            system_command! "find", args: casks.map(&:caskroom_path) + find_args, print_stdout: true if casks.present?
+          else
+            kegs.each { |keg| PrettyListing.new keg } if kegs.present?
+            list_casks if casks.present?
+          end
+        end
       end
-      if args.cask? || (!args.formula? && args.no_named?)
-        cask_names = if args.no_named?
+
+      private
+
+      def filtered_list
+        names = if args.no_named?
+          Formula.racks
+        else
+          racks = args.named.map { |n| Formulary.to_rack(n) }
+          racks.select do |rack|
+            Homebrew.failed = true unless rack.exist?
+            rack.exist?
+          end
+        end
+        if args.pinned?
+          pinned_versions = {}
+          names.sort.each do |d|
+            keg_pin = (HOMEBREW_PINNED_KEGS/d.basename.to_s)
+            pinned_versions[d] = keg_pin.readlink.basename.to_s if keg_pin.exist? || keg_pin.symlink?
+          end
+          pinned_versions.each do |d, version|
+            puts d.basename.to_s.concat(args.versions? ? " #{version}" : "")
+          end
+        else # --versions without --pinned
+          names.sort.each do |d|
+            versions = d.subdirs.map { |pn| pn.basename.to_s }
+            next if args.multiple? && versions.length < 2
+
+            puts "#{d.basename} #{versions * " "}"
+          end
+        end
+      end
+
+      def list_casks
+        casks = if args.no_named?
           Cask::Caskroom.casks
         else
-          args.named.to_formulae_and_casks(only: :cask, method: :resolve)
-        end
-        full_cask_names = cask_names.map(&:full_name).sort(&tap_and_name_comparison)
-        full_cask_names = Formatter.columns(full_cask_names) unless args.public_send(:"1?")
-        puts full_cask_names if full_cask_names.present?
-      end
-    elsif args.pinned?
-      filtered_list(args:)
-    elsif args.versions?
-      filtered_list(args:) unless args.cask?
-      list_casks(args:) if args.cask? || (!args.formula? && !args.multiple? && args.no_named?)
-    elsif args.no_named?
-      ENV["CLICOLOR"] = nil
-
-      ls_args = []
-      ls_args << "-1" if args.public_send(:"1?")
-      ls_args << "-l" if args.l?
-      ls_args << "-r" if args.r?
-      ls_args << "-t" if args.t?
-
-      if !args.cask? && HOMEBREW_CELLAR.exist? && HOMEBREW_CELLAR.children.any?
-        ohai "Formulae" if $stdout.tty? && !args.formula?
-        safe_system "ls", *ls_args, HOMEBREW_CELLAR
-        puts if $stdout.tty? && !args.formula?
-      end
-      if !args.formula? && Cask::Caskroom.any_casks_installed?
-        ohai "Casks" if $stdout.tty? && !args.cask?
-        safe_system "ls", *ls_args, Cask::Caskroom.path
-      end
-    else
-      kegs, casks = args.named.to_kegs_to_casks
-
-      if args.verbose? || !$stdout.tty?
-        find_args = %w[-not -type d -not -name .DS_Store -print]
-        system_command! "find", args: kegs.map(&:to_s) + find_args, print_stdout: true if kegs.present?
-        system_command! "find", args: casks.map(&:caskroom_path) + find_args, print_stdout: true if casks.present?
-      else
-        kegs.each { |keg| PrettyListing.new keg } if kegs.present?
-        list_casks(args:) if casks.present?
-      end
-    end
-  end
-
-  def self.filtered_list(args:)
-    names = if args.no_named?
-      Formula.racks
-    else
-      racks = args.named.map { |n| Formulary.to_rack(n) }
-      racks.select do |rack|
-        Homebrew.failed = true unless rack.exist?
-        rack.exist?
-      end
-    end
-    if args.pinned?
-      pinned_versions = {}
-      names.sort.each do |d|
-        keg_pin = (HOMEBREW_PINNED_KEGS/d.basename.to_s)
-        pinned_versions[d] = keg_pin.readlink.basename.to_s if keg_pin.exist? || keg_pin.symlink?
-      end
-      pinned_versions.each do |d, version|
-        puts d.basename.to_s.concat(args.versions? ? " #{version}" : "")
-      end
-    else # --versions without --pinned
-      names.sort.each do |d|
-        versions = d.subdirs.map { |pn| pn.basename.to_s }
-        next if args.multiple? && versions.length < 2
-
-        puts "#{d.basename} #{versions * " "}"
-      end
-    end
-  end
-
-  def self.list_casks(args:)
-    casks = if args.no_named?
-      Cask::Caskroom.casks
-    else
-      args.named.dup.delete_if do |n|
-        Homebrew.failed = true unless Cask::Caskroom.path.join(n).exist?
-        !Cask::Caskroom.path.join(n).exist?
-      end.to_formulae_and_casks(only: :cask)
-    end
-    return if casks.blank?
-
-    Cask::List.list_casks(
-      *casks,
-      one:       args.public_send(:"1?"),
-      full_name: args.full_name?,
-      versions:  args.versions?,
-    )
-  end
-end
-
-class PrettyListing
-  def initialize(path)
-    Pathname.new(path).children.sort_by { |p| p.to_s.downcase }.each do |pn|
-      case pn.basename.to_s
-      when "bin", "sbin"
-        pn.find { |pnn| puts pnn unless pnn.directory? }
-      when "lib"
-        print_dir pn do |pnn|
-          # dylibs have multiple symlinks and we don't care about them
-          (pnn.extname == ".dylib" || pnn.extname == ".pc") && !pnn.symlink?
-        end
-      when ".brew"
-        next # Ignore .brew
-      else
-        if pn.directory?
-          if pn.symlink?
-            puts "#{pn} -> #{pn.readlink}"
-          else
-            print_dir pn
+          filtered_args = args.named.dup.delete_if do |n|
+            Homebrew.failed = true unless Cask::Caskroom.path.join(n).exist?
+            !Cask::Caskroom.path.join(n).exist?
           end
-        elsif Metafiles.list?(pn.basename.to_s)
-          puts pn
+          # NamedAargs subclasses array
+          T.cast(filtered_args, Homebrew::CLI::NamedArgs).to_formulae_and_casks(only: :cask)
+        end
+        return if casks.blank?
+
+        Cask::List.list_casks(
+          *casks,
+          one:       args.public_send(:"1?"),
+          full_name: args.full_name?,
+          versions:  args.versions?,
+        )
+      end
+    end
+
+    class PrettyListing
+      def initialize(path)
+        Pathname.new(path).children.sort_by { |p| p.to_s.downcase }.each do |pn|
+          case pn.basename.to_s
+          when "bin", "sbin"
+            pn.find { |pnn| puts pnn unless pnn.directory? }
+          when "lib"
+            print_dir pn do |pnn|
+              # dylibs have multiple symlinks and we don't care about them
+              (pnn.extname == ".dylib" || pnn.extname == ".pc") && !pnn.symlink?
+            end
+          when ".brew"
+            next # Ignore .brew
+          else
+            if pn.directory?
+              if pn.symlink?
+                puts "#{pn} -> #{pn.readlink}"
+              else
+                print_dir pn
+              end
+            elsif Metafiles.list?(pn.basename.to_s)
+              puts pn
+            end
+          end
+        end
+      end
+
+      private
+
+      def print_dir(root)
+        dirs = []
+        remaining_root_files = []
+        other = ""
+
+        root.children.sort.each do |pn|
+          if pn.directory?
+            dirs << pn
+          elsif block_given? && yield(pn)
+            puts pn
+            other = "other "
+          elsif pn.basename.to_s != ".DS_Store"
+            remaining_root_files << pn
+          end
+        end
+
+        dirs.each do |d|
+          files = []
+          d.find { |pn| files << pn unless pn.directory? }
+          print_remaining_files files, d
+        end
+
+        print_remaining_files remaining_root_files, root, other
+      end
+
+      def print_remaining_files(files, root, other = "")
+        if files.length == 1
+          puts files
+        elsif files.length > 1
+          puts "#{root}/ (#{files.length} #{other}files)"
         end
       end
     end
   end
-
-  def print_dir(root)
-    dirs = []
-    remaining_root_files = []
-    other = ""
-
-    root.children.sort.each do |pn|
-      if pn.directory?
-        dirs << pn
-      elsif block_given? && yield(pn)
-        puts pn
-        other = "other "
-      elsif pn.basename.to_s != ".DS_Store"
-        remaining_root_files << pn
-      end
-    end
-
-    dirs.each do |d|
-      files = []
-      d.find { |pn| files << pn unless pn.directory? }
-      print_remaining_files files, d
-    end
-
-    print_remaining_files remaining_root_files, root, other
-  end
-
-  def print_remaining_files(files, root, other = "")
-    if files.length == 1
-      puts files
-    elsif files.length > 1
-      puts "#{root}/ (#{files.length} #{other}files)"
-    end
-  end
 end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb b/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
index b33bc82bfb..1242b3eace 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
@@ -1,65 +1,64 @@
-# typed: true
+# typed: strict
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
+require "abstract_command"
 require "cli/parser"
 
 module Homebrew
-  module_function
+  module DevCmd
+    class Prof < AbstractCommand
+      cmd_args do
+        description <<~EOS
+          Run Homebrew with a Ruby profiler. For example, `brew prof readall`.
+        EOS
+        switch "--stackprof",
+               description: "Use `stackprof` instead of `ruby-prof` (the default)."
 
-  sig { returns(CLI::Parser) }
-  def prof_args
-    Homebrew::CLI::Parser.new do
-      description <<~EOS
-        Run Homebrew with a Ruby profiler. For example, `brew prof readall`.
-      EOS
-      switch "--stackprof",
-             description: "Use `stackprof` instead of `ruby-prof` (the default)."
-
-      named_args :command, min: 1
-    end
-  end
-
-  def prof
-    args = prof_args.parse
-
-    Homebrew.install_bundler_gems!(groups: ["prof"], setup_path: false)
-
-    brew_rb = (HOMEBREW_LIBRARY_PATH/"brew.rb").resolved_path
-    FileUtils.mkdir_p "prof"
-    cmd = args.named.first
-
-    case Commands.path(cmd)&.extname
-    when ".rb"
-      # expected file extension so we do nothing
-    when ".sh"
-      raise UsageError, <<~EOS
-        `#{cmd}` is a Bash command!
-        Try `hyperfine` for benchmarking instead.
-      EOS
-    else
-      raise UsageError, "`#{cmd}` is an unknown command!"
-    end
-
-    Homebrew.setup_gem_environment!
-
-    if args.stackprof?
-      with_env HOMEBREW_STACKPROF: "1" do
-        system(*HOMEBREW_RUBY_EXEC_ARGS, brew_rb, *args.named)
+        named_args :command, min: 1
+      end
+
+      sig { override.void }
+      def run
+        Homebrew.install_bundler_gems!(groups: ["prof"], setup_path: false)
+
+        brew_rb = (HOMEBREW_LIBRARY_PATH/"brew.rb").resolved_path
+        FileUtils.mkdir_p "prof"
+        cmd = args.named.first
+
+        case Commands.path(cmd)&.extname
+        when ".rb"
+          # expected file extension so we do nothing
+        when ".sh"
+          raise UsageError, <<~EOS
+            `#{cmd}` is a Bash command!
+            Try `hyperfine` for benchmarking instead.
+          EOS
+        else
+          raise UsageError, "`#{cmd}` is an unknown command!"
+        end
+
+        Homebrew.setup_gem_environment!
+
+        if args.stackprof?
+          with_env HOMEBREW_STACKPROF: "1" do
+            system(*HOMEBREW_RUBY_EXEC_ARGS, brew_rb, *args.named)
+          end
+          output_filename = "prof/d3-flamegraph.html"
+          safe_system "stackprof --d3-flamegraph prof/stackprof.dump > #{output_filename}"
+        else
+          output_filename = "prof/call_stack.html"
+          safe_system "ruby-prof", "--printer=call_stack", "--file=#{output_filename}", brew_rb, "--", *args.named
+        end
+
+        exec_browser output_filename
+      rescue OptionParser::InvalidOption => e
+        ofail e
+
+        # The invalid option could have been meant for the subcommand.
+        # Suggest `brew prof list -r` -> `brew prof -- list -r`
+        args = ARGV - ["--"]
+        puts "Try `brew prof -- #{args.join(" ")}` instead."
       end
-      output_filename = "prof/d3-flamegraph.html"
-      safe_system "stackprof --d3-flamegraph prof/stackprof.dump > #{output_filename}"
-    else
-      output_filename = "prof/call_stack.html"
-      safe_system "ruby-prof", "--printer=call_stack", "--file=#{output_filename}", brew_rb, "--", *args.named
     end
-
-    exec_browser output_filename
-  rescue OptionParser::InvalidOption => e
-    ofail e
-
-    # The invalid option could have been meant for the subcommand.
-    # Suggest `brew prof list -r` -> `brew prof -- list -r`
-    args = ARGV - ["--"]
-    puts "Try `brew prof -- #{args.join(" ")}` instead."
   end
 end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cli/args.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cli/args.rbi
index c88f445543..06f3fb5b04 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cli/args.rbi
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cli/args.rbi
@@ -146,18 +146,12 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def custom_remote?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def d?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def days; end
 
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def debian?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def debug?; end
-
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def debug_symbols?; end
 
@@ -317,12 +311,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T.nilable(T::Array[String])) }
   def groups; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def h?; end
-
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def help?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(T::Array[String])) }
   def hide; end
 
@@ -401,9 +389,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def keyboard_layoutdir; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def l?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(T::Array[String])) }
   def language; end
 
@@ -461,9 +446,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def missing?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def multiple?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def n; end
 
@@ -578,9 +560,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def perl?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def pinned?; end
-
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def plain?; end
 
@@ -632,18 +611,12 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def python_package_name; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def q?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def qlplugindir; end
 
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def quarantine?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def quiet?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def r; end
 
@@ -752,9 +725,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def skip_style?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def stackprof?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def start_with; end
 
@@ -773,9 +743,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def syntax?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def t?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def tag; end
 
@@ -839,15 +806,9 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T.nilable(T::Array[String])) }
   def user; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def v?; end
-
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def variations?; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def verbose?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def version; end
 
@@ -857,9 +818,6 @@ class Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def version_intel; end
 
-  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
-  def versions?; end
-
   sig { returns(T.nilable(String)) }
   def vst3_plugindir; end
 
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cmd/list.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cmd/list.rbi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..a5b8ec328e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/cmd/list.rbi
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+# typed: true
+
+# DO NOT EDIT MANUALLY
+# This is an autogenerated file for dynamic methods in `Homebrew::Cmd::List`.
+# Please instead update this file by running `bin/tapioca dsl Homebrew::Cmd::List`.
+
+class Homebrew::CLI::Args
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def cask?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def casks?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def formula?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def formulae?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def full_name?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def l?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def multiple?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def pinned?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def r?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def t?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def versions?; end
+end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..27f3a84c69
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+# typed: true
+
+# DO NOT EDIT MANUALLY
+# This is an autogenerated file for dynamic methods in `Homebrew::DevCmd::Prof`.
+# Please instead update this file by running `bin/tapioca dsl Homebrew::DevCmd::Prof`.
+
+class Homebrew::CLI::Args
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def stackprof?; end
+end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args.rb b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args.rb
index 5a226f1eaa..b79843eb8f 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args.rb
@@ -2,10 +2,17 @@
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
 require_relative "../../../global"
+require "cli/parser"
 
 module Tapioca
   module Compilers
     class Args < Tapioca::Dsl::Compiler
+      GLOBAL_OPTIONS = T.let(
+        Homebrew::CLI::Parser.global_options.map do |short_option, long_option, _|
+          [short_option, long_option].map { "#{Homebrew::CLI::Parser.option_to_name(_1)}?" }
+        end.flatten.freeze, T::Array[String]
+      )
+
       # This is ugly, but we're moving to a new interface that will use a consistent DSL
       # These are cmd/dev-cmd methods that end in `_args` but are not parsers
       NON_PARSER_ARGS_METHODS = T.let([
@@ -16,34 +23,34 @@ module Tapioca
 
       # FIXME: Enable cop again when https://github.com/sorbet/sorbet/issues/3532 is fixed.
       # rubocop:disable Style/MutableConstant
-      ConstantType = type_member { { fixed: T.class_of(Homebrew::CLI::Args) } }
+      Parsable = T.type_alias { T.any(T.class_of(Homebrew::CLI::Args), T.class_of(Homebrew::AbstractCommand)) }
+      ConstantType = type_member { { fixed: Parsable } }
       # rubocop:enable Style/MutableConstant
 
-      sig { override.returns(T::Enumerable[T.class_of(Homebrew::CLI::Args)]) }
+      sig { override.returns(T::Enumerable[Parsable]) }
       def self.gather_constants
         # require all the commands to ensure the _arg methods are defined
         ["cmd", "dev-cmd"].each do |dir|
           Dir[File.join(__dir__, "../../../#{dir}", "*.rb")].each { require(_1) }
         end
-        [Homebrew::CLI::Args]
+        [Homebrew::CLI::Args] + Homebrew::AbstractCommand.subclasses
       end
 
       sig { override.void }
       def decorate
-        root.create_path(Homebrew::CLI::Args) do |klass|
-          Homebrew.methods(false).select { _1.end_with?("_args") }.each do |args_method_name|
-            next if NON_PARSER_ARGS_METHODS.include?(args_method_name)
+        if constant == Homebrew::CLI::Args
+          root.create_path(Homebrew::CLI::Args) do |klass|
+            Homebrew.methods(false).select { _1.end_with?("_args") }.each do |args_method_name|
+              next if NON_PARSER_ARGS_METHODS.include?(args_method_name)
 
-            parser = Homebrew.method(args_method_name).call
-            comma_array_methods = comma_arrays(parser)
-            args_table(parser).each do |method_name, value|
-              # some args are used in multiple commands (this is ok as long as they have the same type)
-              next if klass.nodes.any? { T.cast(_1, RBI::Method).name.to_sym == method_name }
-
-              return_type = get_return_type(method_name, value, comma_array_methods)
-              klass.create_method(method_name.to_s, return_type:)
+              parser = Homebrew.method(args_method_name).call
+              create_args_methods(klass, parser)
             end
           end
+        else
+          root.create_path(Homebrew::CLI::Args) do |klass|
+            create_args_methods(klass, T.must(T.cast(constant, T.class_of(Homebrew::AbstractCommand)).parser))
+          end
         end
       end
 
@@ -69,6 +76,22 @@ module Tapioca
           "T.nilable(String)"
         end
       end
+
+      private
+
+      sig { params(klass: RBI::Scope, parser: Homebrew::CLI::Parser).void }
+      def create_args_methods(klass, parser)
+        comma_array_methods = comma_arrays(parser)
+        args_table(parser).each do |method_name, value|
+          method_name_str = method_name.to_s
+          next if GLOBAL_OPTIONS.include?(method_name_str)
+          # some args are used in multiple commands (this is ok as long as they have the same type)
+          next if klass.nodes.any? { T.cast(_1, RBI::Method).name == method_name_str }
+
+          return_type = get_return_type(method_name, value, comma_array_methods)
+          klass.create_method(method_name_str, return_type:)
+        end
+      end
     end
   end
 end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rb b/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rb
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..0b3b5e05a4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rb
@@ -0,0 +1,56 @@
+# frozen_string_literal: true
+
+require "abstract_command"
+
+RSpec.describe Homebrew::AbstractCommand do
+  describe "subclasses" do
+    before do
+      cat = Class.new(described_class) do
+        cmd_args do
+          switch "--foo"
+          flag "--bar="
+        end
+        def run; end
+      end
+      stub_const("Cat", cat)
+    end
+
+    describe "parsing args" do
+      it "parses valid args" do
+        expect { Cat.new(["--foo"]).run }.not_to raise_error
+      end
+
+      it "allows access to args" do
+        expect(Cat.new(["--bar", "baz"]).args[:bar]).to eq("baz")
+      end
+
+      it "raises on invalid args" do
+        expect { Cat.new(["--bat"]) }.to raise_error(OptionParser::InvalidOption)
+      end
+    end
+
+    describe "command names" do
+      it "has a default command name" do
+        expect(Cat.command_name).to eq("cat")
+      end
+
+      it "can lookup command" do
+        expect(described_class.command("cat")).to be(Cat)
+      end
+
+      describe "when command name is overridden" do
+        before do
+          tac = Class.new(described_class) do
+            def self.command_name = "t-a-c"
+            def run; end
+          end
+          stub_const("Tac", tac)
+        end
+
+        it "can be looked up by command name" do
+          expect(described_class.command("t-a-c")).to be(Tac)
+        end
+      end
+    end
+  end
+end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rbi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..f282e9a02f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/abstract_command_spec.rbi
@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
+# typed: strict
+
+class Cat < Homebrew::AbstractCommand; end
+class Tac < Homebrew::AbstractCommand; end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/list_spec.rb b/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/list_spec.rb
index 414862251c..b5b4a52902 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/list_spec.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/list_spec.rb
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
+require "cmd/list"
 require "cmd/shared_examples/args_parse"
 
-RSpec.describe "brew list" do
+RSpec.describe Homebrew::Cmd::List do
   let(:formulae) { %w[bar foo qux] }
 
   it_behaves_like "parseable arguments"
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/shared_examples/args_parse.rb b/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/shared_examples/args_parse.rb
index efce6f3e96..b2a89271ae 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/shared_examples/args_parse.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/cmd/shared_examples/args_parse.rb
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
-RSpec.shared_examples "parseable arguments" do
+RSpec.shared_examples "parseable arguments" do |argv: []|
   subject(:method_name) { "#{command_name.tr("-", "_")}_args" }
 
   let(:command_name) do |example|
@@ -8,10 +8,13 @@ RSpec.shared_examples "parseable arguments" do
   end
 
   it "can parse arguments" do
-    require "dev-cmd/#{command_name}" unless require? "cmd/#{command_name}"
-
-    parser = Homebrew.public_send(method_name)
-
-    expect(parser).to respond_to(:parse)
+    if described_class
+      cmd = described_class.new(argv)
+      expect(cmd.args).to be_a Homebrew::CLI::Args
+    else
+      require "dev-cmd/#{command_name}" unless require? "cmd/#{command_name}"
+      parser = Homebrew.public_send(method_name)
+      expect(parser).to respond_to(:parse)
+    end
   end
 end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/dev-cmd/prof_spec.rb b/Library/Homebrew/test/dev-cmd/prof_spec.rb
index 25565776d1..7737daa100 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/test/dev-cmd/prof_spec.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/dev-cmd/prof_spec.rb
@@ -1,9 +1,10 @@
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
 require "cmd/shared_examples/args_parse"
+require "dev-cmd/prof"
 
-RSpec.describe "brew prof" do
-  it_behaves_like "parseable arguments"
+RSpec.describe Homebrew::DevCmd::Prof do
+  it_behaves_like "parseable arguments", argv: ["--", "help"]
 
   describe "integration tests", :integration_test, :needs_network do
     after do
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/test/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args_spec.rb b/Library/Homebrew/test/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args_spec.rb
index 631a80d2c8..7cc5318923 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/test/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args_spec.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/test/sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args_spec.rb
@@ -1,14 +1,13 @@
 # frozen_string_literal: true
 
-# require 'tapioca'
 require "tapioca/dsl"
-require_relative "../../../../sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args"
+require "sorbet/tapioca/compilers/args"
 
 RSpec.describe Tapioca::Compilers::Args do
   let(:compiler) { described_class.new(Tapioca::Dsl::Pipeline.new(requested_constants: []), RBI::Tree.new, Homebrew) }
   let(:list_parser) do
     require "cmd/list"
-    Homebrew.list_args
+    Homebrew::Cmd::List.parser
   end
   # good testing candidate, bc it has multiple for each of switch, flag, and comma_array args:
   let(:update_python_resources_parser) do